.....did you know that in the first 400 entries of Google's search listings for 'Knockin on Heaven's Door' about 20% point to websites that do nothing more than just tell us what the lyrics to the song are. And of those 20% at least three quarters can't even agree on what the correct lyrics are.........For more useless facts and the complete collection of cover versions (now standing at 70) visit waggworld.com. And follow the link to 'Knockin on Heaven's Door'

I have 65 versions of "Knockin' on Heaven's Door". (including the one that's playing right now).  How many do you have?

for more useless information and the full listing of all 65 versions (including an increasing number of identification sound samples) visit waggworld.com: and follow the link to knockin' on heavens door
     

....did you know that a staggering 39% of all under 23 year olds in the USA and Northern Europe, excluding Estonia, think that Guns 'n Roses were the first band to sing 'Knockin on Heaven's Door'.....

for more useless information and the full listing of all 60 cover versions (including an increasing number of identification sound samples) visit waggworld.com: and follow the link to knockin'......

For Romeo -
a red hot spider
'e couldn't wait
to get inside 'er
on leather seats
release his kendo
and touch 'er soul
with innuendo

Poor Juliet
his ancient bimbo
with gleaming chrome
and legs akimbo
behind the wheel
with walnut trim
between their knees
that
gear stick thing

And Alfa too
with bumpers shiny
knobs right out
and seats recliny
revving fast
no sex - no sin
the three of them
went for a spin.

Went to the wildlife park
today

fed the seals

to the polar bears
had tea

went home (a different way)

save the goose
save the ganda
save the pygmy
from the panda

god save the queen
god save the gannet
god help this verse
god help this planet

please save the rocks
please save the sand
please keep washing more seagulls
in fairy liquid
than any other brand

so kill the locust
kill the fly
but save your breath to say
bye bye

to all the elephants
and all the gorillas
to the white rhinos
to the dinos
to the llamas
and the lizards
the whole of the sea
and the hole in the sky

goodbye
goodbye
goodbye

I've got this neighbour. Who keeps pidgeons. And he spends at least two hours every day going "boo - boo" at them. Well actually he doesn't just go "boo - boo". You see first of all they're all kind of cooped up - in a sort of coop - with a general population density ratio worse than the outer suburbs of Rio de Janiero. And then my neighbour, well, then he lets them all out. Positive move - you might be thinking. At least it would be if it wasn't for the oversized seagulls that swoop and swerve around the neighbourhood chimney breasts in search of afternoon tea. Because you got to understand one thing - these are not nice polite seagulls, these seagulls do not pose patiently for photographs on the sea wall railing whilst tourists fiddle with plastic throw-away cameras- oh no - these are mean seagulls, hard seagulls - these are the product of years of fine tuning in the evolution department - these guys are direct descendants of the well know STUNT seagulls who worked with Alfred Hitchcock on that film "The Birds" - with hours of tactical training under their belts, handed down from generation to generation, honed killing machines - the elite of the elite - straight out of "Seagull Top Gun". And one of these total bastards recently finished off the entire outer crust of a supermarket own brand "quatro stagioni" family sized pizza in one gulp, right there in my garden, which, as a momentary diversion, if I may, got me round to thinking - in the general interest of scientific research - exactly how big a slice of pizza do you think these seagulls could tackle in one go. And would they be particularly "brand-conscious." Take Pizza Hut Pan Pizza, for example, (my favourite - hot'nspicy - thick yet light). Or Johnny's Pizza Express - traditionally made with a secret recipe of herbs and spices for over forty years ( not bad - but the delivery boys are SO SLOW) - or are they just into highly discounted - almost out of date - supermarket own-brand crap. Who knows? It's something to think about. Anyhow, imagine the scene, if you can: ten plump, innocent, extra-virgin pidgeons, flying haphazardly around the garden, and half a dozen "terminator seagulls" - it's a recipe for disaster - or a good lunch (depending on your viewpoint). It takes approximately five minutes for the seagulls to get an accurate missile lock on the pidgeons - and after that I'm afraid it's all "hasta la vista baby". And a lot of feathers. And so now we get back to the "boo-boo" bit. All that "boo-boo-ing appears, to the untrained eye, to be nothing more than a way of encouraging the unsuspecting pidgeons to return to their cramped living accomodation before the sound of beak on bone reverberates through my backyard. Quite why the pidgeons NEED ENCOURAGEMENT is exactly the confusing part. When a government approved serial killer starts his final run at your tail feathers - then one really could imagine needing little or no encouragement to return to the coop. But then, I haven't had to LIVE in the coop - (and here's the crunch - perhaps the commonly held theory that pidgeons are no more or less than one of God's embarrassing screw-up's on the first day of creation, and all that so called "intelligence" they display when "homing" from tremendous distances is nothing more than a catastrophic lack of imagination, perhaps that's wrong ) and perhaps the sight of ten liberated pidgeons exercising their free democratic right to "crash and burn" says a good deal more about the mental facilities of my neighbour, and the rest of the human race, than it does about the pidgeons.
Well, it's something to think about.